Bay to Breakers – 2009

So I slapped on my Santa hat, put Dolores in her syringe box and headed on down the hill in my Crocs. The first guy I see is this dude in a skirt, rockin it solo. Dolores starts chiping and so I stop to give her a squirt of mush (in the shade because it’s already getting pretty hot, poor bird) and off we go again.

Passing through the Haight, this dude is already passed out on the corner. Maybe it was from the night before. It’s about 9:00 AM. In the high eighties. Some of the real runners are already coming back down Haight St. from the finish line at Ocean Beach. There were some bumblebees with runners bibs. I guess they flew pretty fast.

Another great GG review: Smells Like Teen Spirit, by Nirvana, touched a generation and it’s still a powerful backdrop to drunk naked people walking towards the beach from downtown San Francisco dressed as bees or salmon (swimming the wrong way and spawning on Howard Street while the cops are trying to clear the area).

“I feel stupid and contagious” is just about the most apt sentiment to frame the annual Bay to Breakers. Also, “a denial”.

Still a great song, still a great “race”.

The cops were out in force, but they didn’t bust anybody (not yet anyway) for nudity or drinking. Yay!

They could have busted these naked guys. Do we really need to see this?

I stopped in at the Beanbag cafe for brunch and took a bunch of pictures out the window.

This guy came up to me and said, This is one of only two days a year in San Francisco that nobody asks me if I’m a real Monk. What a sweetheart. I showed him my bird. He didn’t seem that impressed.

Wooo! I need some water. It’s hot out here.

This girl had way too many pants on! After her friend pulled ‘em down she ran around half naked like an animal just set free. Cute and pleasant.

Many people asked what Santa had in the box. I showed ‘em and then we went dancing and bounced this pool around. Dolores didn’t really like all the loud music. So I fed her again and fled back up the hill.

These guys had it all goin’ on. Short shorts, wizard hats, long gray beards and a stack of empties. Right on. Magical no littering. I think they gave homeless guy a PBR. What a beautiful magical day.

May 17, 2009 | Categories: Rants | Leave A Comment »

Unintended Consequences

My new band name is Unintended Consequences.

Listen to

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while you’re reading.

Have you ever wondered why they sell “food” at some of our local clubs like Bottom of the Hill, Cafe du Nord and Great American Music Hall? Actually, to call it food is pretty much an overstatement. After a “meal” of one of the worst pizzas I’ve ever had at “Cafe” du Nord, on a date where I was trying to impress, we were accosted by an official who wanted to take a picture of us eating.

Coast Starlight

For proof, he said.

Of what?

That they actually sell food here. That looks like food you’re eating.

Sort of. Actually I don’t know what it is, but we are eating. Why do you need proof?

It’s part of their license. They are required to sell food.

Okay. Take your pictures.

So, I didn’t quite know what to think. At first I thought the venue was trying to pull a fast one, like getting a discount on their liquor license by claiming to be one thing while actually another.

It turns out, as I learned from a SF Chronicle article this weekend, that it’s the ABC, the state’s Alcoholic Beverage Control, that’s pulling a fast one. They’re putting pressure on local establishments that want to offer all ages entertainment to sell more food as a requirement of their licenses that allow alcohol. Of course all these clubs make most of their money on booze. The older, drinking crowd helps pay for the opportunity of the kids to see the live music they crave. That’s just the way it is. The bureaucracy though, charged with protecting these virginal innocents thinks the answer is more food.

It makes a little sense, though just a little. At some point a compromise was made. The government couldn’t stomach under-aged kids in nightclubs so they made a deal and now everybody pretends that selling food is the answer to under-aged drinking. Seen in this light it’s thinking that’s not necessarily evil, but it is insidious.

Take Amtrak. They have a perfectly good bus that runs from the San Francisco Ferry Building straight to San Luis Obispo, where my family lives, that takes 3 hours less time that taking the train and costs $10 less, but they won’t sell you a ticket. Apparently, there’s a state law that you can’t buy an Amtrak bus ticket without having at least one train segment on your itinerary. I called the Amtrak office to confirm and the nice man said, “We are not a bus company. We are a train company.”

Okay. So I bit my lip and bought the train Bus and Train ticket combo, and although I had to wake up this morning an extra two hours too early and I get in to see my family a extra two hours later, I am sitting in the nice lounge car conversing with this cool aging rocker whose reading and quoting from The Merchant of Venice, and I have enough room to spread out, think, and write about the state of bureaucracy. It was hard to get out of bed this morning – I don’t get enough quality time with my hot new girlfriend as it is – but at least I can be assured that the government is watching out and protecting our otherwise feeble train system. By the way, if you haven’t taken a t rain trip I highly recommend it. Despite the delays (and some other bit of bureaucracy that gives track preference to frieght cars over passenger trains that sometimes strands Amtrak trains on the sidings for literally hours) it’s a nice and easy way to go. Leave your fast paced yuppie downtown attitude at the station and enjoy the scenery and the nice people along the way.

Also in the news concerning bureaucracy is a new trade war with Mexico that was sparked by a small provision in Obama’s omnibus spending bill rescinding those polluting Mexican trucks on our Interstates. That got the Mexican government riled enough to impose stiff tariffs on some of our California grown agricultural products and the war is on unless someone cand stop it by reinstating the trucks, for example. The intention was getting the smoking trucks out of airspace. Anyone that lived in L.A. in the the 70s can appreciate the benefits that air quality managemnet has had over the decades. But there’s a delicate balance. Now the grape and tomato growers are paying the price. Is that what we want?

So too the battle between state and federal officials over marijuana dispensaries. California voters decided that they wanted a way to distribute pot to people who needed it medically, came up with a compromise and flawed system and some people capitalzie on the loopholes and make a profit. The Feds, seeing a potential threat, crack down and everybody loses. There’s no sense. Those were the days when the born again Christian’s ruled the World. Recently though, Obama’s team came up with a seemingly coherent strategy whereby arrests will only be made when someone breaks both Federal and State law. That’s the theory. In practice, the Feds will still find a way to claim that state laws are being broken. It’s all fucked up. There’s no communication, no set standards, no consistency. People are being jailed at the whims of the government.

All this is what people hate about big government and bureaucracy. I’m a bleeding hearted progressive liberal who believes that government can and should be the answer to many of the problems that individuals or corporations can’t or won’t solve and this is exactly what I detest about bureaucracy. It’s inefficient, inconsistent, unjust, unequal, paternalistic, and spooky. But it’s an attempt to protect us. It just hasn’t been thought out very well, over increasingly complex issues and the results are often oppressive and ridiculous.

Why am I on this stupid train anyways? It’s a convoluted answer intended to protect a government subsidy from the extinction that could result from pure market forces if it was left to compete with buses.

Why is there crappy food at local venues? It’s there to keep all the venues from turning into nightlcubs that sell nothing but entertainment and alcohol. The people come for the entertainment and some come for the alcohol. What’s so wrong with that? If the clubs felt it was in their economic best interests to sell food on their own initiative then they would without any interference. Would it be so horrible to have a bunch of 18 year olds mixing in with the old drunks at the Tuesday Night show at the Bottom of the Hill?

Shouldn’t I be able to go buy a little pot if my Doctor says it might help?

It’s the classic battle between rights and freedoms. Your rights end where mine begin.

Fleet Foxes at the Fillmore

Last night, at Fleet Foxes at the Fillmore, I oppressed the urge to buy an $11 garden burger. Probably would have sucked. Saved my money for beer instead. Vote with your wallet and let the government (try) to do their jobs.

April 15, 2009 | Categories: Rants | Leave A Comment »